Growing up, I always knew what I wanted. Or paraphrased - the moment I know what I want, I do not let go of it easily. This persistence has given me much sadness in this journey to parenthood, unfortunately.
At the start I gave myself the timeline everyone said I should - if I did not hit my jackpot in a year of marriage, I had to get tested. I suppose that was harsh in the eyes of a gynae even. Discovering the cyst made things simpler because it was not even a year that I had some idea what was stopping us from conceiving.
My gynae told me to try naturally for three months first, after the contraception stopped. And I did, obediently for the first month, the second month went by getting me edgy and by the third cycle I was in a fertility specialist's office getting all the tests run.
Throughout all these months, the Hubba and I had so many of such conversations and they were heartbreaking of course. Heartbreaking that we may have to acknowledge that there will be a limit to these efforts - and each failed attempt brings us closer to it. For sure it stings, it pricks with a vengeance that I know not how to describe.
Somewhere in between a failed IUI cycle, we decided to complete all we can for 3 cycles of IUI and IVF...that we would adopt a fur kid and continue with our greater plans in life. For sure, there will be other joys that we will experience as a couple. My heart aches at this thought, though having a fur princess sounds like a fabulous idea. I could dress her in all the cute outfits, teach her how to play dead...(this may not even materialise if I end up with an alpha dog again).
I hate to admit that a timeline would hold my ultimatum for this journey. That I would have no regrets later in life on not trying hard, or harder. Because this is a decision we both made to the best of our financial and emotional well beings.
At the start I gave myself the timeline everyone said I should - if I did not hit my jackpot in a year of marriage, I had to get tested. I suppose that was harsh in the eyes of a gynae even. Discovering the cyst made things simpler because it was not even a year that I had some idea what was stopping us from conceiving.
My gynae told me to try naturally for three months first, after the contraception stopped. And I did, obediently for the first month, the second month went by getting me edgy and by the third cycle I was in a fertility specialist's office getting all the tests run.
Throughout all these months, the Hubba and I had so many of such conversations and they were heartbreaking of course. Heartbreaking that we may have to acknowledge that there will be a limit to these efforts - and each failed attempt brings us closer to it. For sure it stings, it pricks with a vengeance that I know not how to describe.
Somewhere in between a failed IUI cycle, we decided to complete all we can for 3 cycles of IUI and IVF...that we would adopt a fur kid and continue with our greater plans in life. For sure, there will be other joys that we will experience as a couple. My heart aches at this thought, though having a fur princess sounds like a fabulous idea. I could dress her in all the cute outfits, teach her how to play dead...(this may not even materialise if I end up with an alpha dog again).
I hate to admit that a timeline would hold my ultimatum for this journey. That I would have no regrets later in life on not trying hard, or harder. Because this is a decision we both made to the best of our financial and emotional well beings.
