Face it, the power of social media has long taken a toll on the influx of information that we all get exposed to every single ticking minute of the day. And, the more connected I am, the more information I get.

And reality is...the circle of life revolves around schooling, dating, working, getting married and having children. Mid thirties throws me a curve ball, it matters not who graduated with 0 points at O levels, straight As at A levels or for that matter was the first to be proposed to.

It's about who is having kids, planning to have and have. Those who already graduated into parenthood belong to a different clique. It somehow gives people the right to

1) Be overly concerned on your as-is status.
2) Dish out information like a know-all (refer to point 1)
3) In the course of doing so, be completely ignorant that life does go on with or without your piece of happy news.

I already admitted we are infertile and trying. Yet these are silent struggles. It does not matter how many times we tried naturally or unnaturally, at the end of the day I have no kid to prove the effort.

The glib tongued cantonese sure has a best way to phrase this - 爛肉多朋友. Translated as bruises know many friends, it's only when one is in pain, every plausible cause of pain becomes obvious. I seem to be more sensitive to remarks made with reference to our current situation: childlessness or simply put, I have more of such company nowadays.

Well meaning friends

And it seems that the well meaning friends are no longer well meaning anymore. 

So we broach the topic of well meaning.  

Every quarter, I get posed a "well meaning" question by a friend who by the time this entry goes out would have delivered her third bundle of joy. We have never met regularly since she started her bundles but these  intrusive questions have been.  Fine, I have had my fair share of being unmarried and having the audacity to ask married couples when they are going to get married. Shame on me. 

I've reached a point where I have progressed from sharing my frustrations to leaving it to God and now laughing it off as "enjoying life first". 

And the standing ovation moment comes when the reply comes fast and furious - how envious she is of my predicament because she can no longer travel the world because of her commitments. 

Instantly, conversation is over and I bid her farewell with a "delete chat".

The attention seeker

Exactly 1 day after my first failed IUI, I finally composed myself and led a decent half day without shedding a single tear or being upset about the failure. Lunch was exceptionally good because I took the effort to take the bus and search for a place I wanted to try. Simple pleasures and out of the blue I receive a notification from a friend/ex colleague who has been trying for awhile and I even suggested him getting himself checked out. 

Exact conversation copied and pasted. 

"Yo.."
"Wassup"
"Asking you, got bring baby back from your trips?" 

Well, the most recent trip had me jet skiing, snorkelling and jumping all over beaches, if I had a belly, it must have been filled with food. A nagging thought though stuck with me, maybe he had finally hit jackpot. 

"Hahaha, what? No I didn't. Why? You brought back one?"
"Not exactly..."

What is a 'not exactly', this ex-colleague was already getting on my nerves to say the least. It's either a yes or no. 

"Brought one there instead. lol." 

Good heavens, so they are pregnant. What a radical way of announcing baby news these days. I frown already at my screen. 

"Not exactly???"
"I'm gg to be a FATHER!!! :)" 

My heart broke when I congratulated him. Broke because of the effort he took to announce this, milk for a congratulations and...the more exclamation marks I put, the lump in my throat was getting bigger and tears were threatening to fall.

"Wah congrats!!!!!"
 "Hehehehe, thx thx. Wanted to share with you first mah. U r the 1st girl to know. After my brothers. Hehe. My side that is. Her side I dunno liao. Lol." 

The conversation continues half heartedly and the flurry of messages comes wham-bam-f-off-mam

"U planning or not? Working on it already? I tell u...cannot dont believe...We tried so long and so hard...then one day her mum asked her go pray to Goddess of Son Giving...1 week later...tio liao" 

And he continues to dish out advice on when to bed the husband. Right. Spoken like an expert when my own fertility specialist cannot even get my egg and his swimmers to meet on time. This friend was demoted to ex-colleague on the spot. I can choose to unfollow friends' updates on facebook, but I had no shield towards this happy news that whacked me hard in the gut, and I was the so-called "special first girl friend to know." OUCH. 

Update: The second attempt was made to introduce the Goddess of Son Giving to me. Uhhhhh, thanks but really no thanks. I believe in God.

For sure, all these will pass and we will look upon life as having "well lived and well travelled". Until then, I have learnt that if parenthood has a place for me, I will never ever broadcast it carelessly on social media or even cherry pick unintended audiences.