So....pregnancy is not all roses and unicorns and candy floss happy. I'm sorry but it wasn't one of those times where I had the best time in my life - life is a lot better not being pregnant.

For sure, there is a life growing inside me and every fibre of my being should be rejoicing over that - but no, there are bits to it that makes this journey suck. Taken off the horse's mouth.

Mommy's Brain

The forgetfulness got so bad at some point - I got my staycation dates mixed up, forgot to note the order number of my online order...got so frustrated with myself that every Friday seemed like Friday the 13th though I was looking forward to end of week so much.

I hated being pregnant

The body that isn't mine anymore. The belly, girth, swollen everything...and weight gain. Having been weight conscious all my life, this was just beyond me to comprehend. The weighing scales and mirrors already started being my fiend from day one, and slowly it morphed into a monster that I dreaded so darn much. One fine day I even asked the poor husband if I can remove all mirrors in the house.

People showed off their bumps, I preferred to hide mine. Not that I wasn't happy with the living one inside but it was this physical change that no amount of comforting could ever help. How can wearing clothes become such a pain, and literally I struggled in and out of outfits for a special dinner and still was not satisfied with my choice and that swollen thing called belly getting in the way.

OF all the pregnancy symptoms, lower backache and bloatedness got me under my skin. SO BAD. And no home remedy seem to help - exercising was completely out of the question given my complicated history, and taking ginger is also out of the equation. Yet every other best remedies to bloatedness post had nothing helpful to say except

• Eat smaller meals
• Increase fibre intake
• Exercise
• Cut down on refined sugars

To which the darling Hubba summed up "as good as telling you eat, sleep, poo and repeat". 

Hormones that rage, more than you can imagine

First, I was angry at being put on bed rest. The trip cancellations during festive periods made me go bonkers literally on my couch - I could probably soak it twice through with the amount of weeping and emotional breakdowns I had.

Then, I had trouble sleeping which made me even angrier than angry.

Subsequently, getting so emotional and hormonal about teeny tiny things. Gosh, I hate myself already.

Gestational Diabetes

As much as this is an angel trying to help me lead a healthier lifestyle, it was a demon in its own right. I felt maligned and all the sugary intake was not even part of my usual regime. Preserved prunes and yakult became daily affairs to help with indigestion and gas and suddenly they were forbidden. The usual foods that I love so dearly with my heart became poison and I hated the diabetes mention so much, it was ear sore and every ounce of poison.

I have to admit the journey is not smooth sailing - more on that in a full entry. 

Countdown to week 40

Every passing week meant a week nearer to getting myself out of this misery. And that despite all the discomfort made me wee bit happier.

Written when still pregnant and angsty, I would imagine the angst hitting all notes of high when baby is here!