Penned at 36 + 2 days.  

Hi Baby, 

I am hardly lost for words...and where do I even start on this. Gosh, I feel tears already welling up...thank you pregnancy hormones. We should be popping soon - and the bets are on Week 38 being that golden ticket week though with you born over due and me at Week 39, I thought we'd be hitting the home run nearing Week 40. Which really leaves us under 2 weeks to be all ready to welcome our little man.

Was it not just yesterday that I penned the letter going from Miss to Missus and then we tried so hard for this promotion and now, this? Time does fly so fast all the time.

We definitely did not have things easy and I Thank God all the time - for you, for us, for Speckie.  I think we had one too many conversations about parenthood even before conceiving and you already made a good dad to me. How we hoped we would not make the same mistakes our parents did (though so much easier said than done).

Thank you for...

The patience during those trying times, each time I behave like an emotional nutcase on the run.

Letting me make wilful decisions on trying for a child. For sure you doubted the rash decisions I made on our behalf at some point and the success rates of assisted contraception even but because it made me feel better about the situation, you let me.

Taking on our cancelled trips like a champ - I think not being able to travel kills both of us. And I have guilt tripped you so many times for the sacrifices made for us because of my compulsory bed rest...yet all you did was take me into that tight embrace telling me - the countries will not run away.

Putting up with the pregnancy hormones, cravings and housework chores. For sure it felt like a Queen not having to lift a finger and each time you shoot me that impish grin and countdown to the day that I will take over all chores again - I am horribly guilt tripped too!?

Going for prenatal classes just cos it was supposedly helpful. I think it bored you to no end yet you were there for us all the way, as much as you could.

Those leg massages and ensuring I was comfortable every single night...did this stress you out so much that's why you ended up grinding your teeth too? :P

Loving the little man so very much. You never know how much your eyes light up when we talk about him, our schooling plans for him...and being the handyman for all the stuff that needs putting together. Cyrus, bet you did not know Dadda is going to shield you from all the hurt and ways of the world, the best he can and ever will.

Being the braver and calmer of us two because, who's going to be my pillar if we both are weak? You always say. I'm sure there are times that you are fearful and scared even, but because I am always the bigger mess, you give me that privilege time and again to be that sobbing mess infront of you.

I don't think we can ever be 100% ready to be parents, nothing can prep us enough for that. But I know you'd make an awesome dad. I may have lamented about how I'd love for our first born to be a little girl, threatening to dress him up in a tutu even...but I am glad you are the father of my child. <3

I promised to romance you for the rest of my life, to not let our conversations be just about Cyrus and not about us anymore...that we would have an existent couple life because we started and will end as two when the children have all grown up and left the nest. And I will try to the best of my ability, to give 'us' the life we once had before, even if...it barely resembles a fraction of it.

Perhaps tomorrow will leave us first timers lacking in sleep, food and all the niceties that makes marriage a more enjoyable chapter than parenthood, I may forget all the lovely things you've done for me in these 9 months because labour pain gives amnesia but deep down I hope you know, I love you so very much.

xx